Kaleidoscope 6 – Meaning in the mundane

A few months back, I came across a meme that said “If the first button of your shirt is wrongly put, all the other buttons are surely wrong”. Such a unique, simplistic way of saying “all actions have consequences” or “one thing leads to another” or my favourite – “life is a decision tree, every decision you make can take you on a different path”!!

The funny part of this meme was that it was attributed to a tailor with an endnote saying “not every quote is by some famous person”!

That made me think. Many of my learnings have come from the unlikeliest of places and unlikeliest of people – and from my quest to find ‘meaning in the mundane‘! And sometimes, they have come from statements that were made with no intent of becoming a ‘life mantra’ – yet they somehow resonated very differently in their figurative connotation from the literal tone they were said in!

Today’s post is dedicated to such powerful statements that hit hard and spurted life-lessons without meaning to!

Lessons from my driving coach

Fun fact – I “learnt” driving four times before I actually learnt to drive! The last time was when I engaged a coach to train me on my own car (instead of the specially re-engineered ones they use at driving schools that have a secondary braking system to override the driver’s controls and give the coach seated on the passenger seat sufficient control over the trajectory of the car).

Driving is something I find therapeutic and many a person has laughed when I’ve made this statement in the past because much of my driving is in peak hour traffic on Mumbai roads. But I find driving peaceful even amid all the traffic and chaos not only because of the alone time it affords me but because holding that steering and navigating through a busy road, in a weird, cathartic sort of way, gives me some semblance of control over my life – like I can surely decide where at least one thing in my life is going and make it go where I want!!

Aside of my love for driving, which unfortunately I discovered later in life than I would have liked, every time I now sit down to drive, I am reminded of some very deep statements that my last driving coach said when he was training me. When he said those lines, he meant them in a totally different context. But their deeper meaning dawned on me like an epiphany in totally unrelated moments long after he’d said them. And to this day, they bring a smile to my face when I think of them.

Today I am going to share some of these unintentional nuggets of wisdom with you and who knows, maybe you’ll find some other hidden meaning in them.

• “Left lena hai toh chota kaato, right jaana hai toh lamba kaato” (loosely translates as ‘if you want to go left, turn quick and sharp; if you want to go right, go wide and long”)

लेफ्ट लेना है तो छोटा काटो, राइट जाना है तो लंबा काटो

This one’s my favourite! He obviously meant it quite literally but in a philosophical moment, my brain interpreted it as “the right road is always the longer one”, or it’s corollary – “if it’s easy, it must be wrong”!

Of course, this has more meaning in India (and in UK and other erstwhile British colonies) which follows a right-hand drive so left turns are usually free turns and right turns (being on the outside of the free-lefts) curve out much wider. But also, taking the wrong path may be much harder in countries with stricter and more enforceable law and order……just saying 😛

• “Baar baar lane change mat karo. Ek baar change kiya toh thoda aage tak usi lane pe jaake phir change karna” (loosely translates as ‘don’t switch lanes again and again, pick a lane, follow it for a bit before you switch again’!)

बार-बार लेन न बदलें। एक बार बदलाव किया तो थोड़ा आगे तक उसी लेन पे जाके फिर बदलना

This one’s pretty evident! When embarking on a new chapter in life – whether in relationships, work, a new hobby or just about anything, take some time to learn the ropes, give it time to grow on you before giving up on it and switching lanes or opting for a faster lane!!

• “Jab bhi koi problem ho gaadi mein, woh hamesha kuch signal deti hai  jaise koi light blink hoga ya brake der se lagega….aapko symbols samajh nahi aayenge toh aap chalaate jaoge jab tak ek din aapki gaadi band nahi pad jaati. Toh pehle theory seekho” (rough translation: ‘if your car has any issue, it will always give you a sign – for example a light may flicker or the brakes may be sluggish. If you don’t understand these signs then you’ll keep driving till your car stops working one fine day! Learn the theory of driving first’)

जब भी कोई समस्या हो गाड़ी में, वो हमें कुछ सिग्नल देती है जैसे कोई लाइट ब्लिंक होगा या ब्रेक देर से लगेगा….आपको प्रतीक समझ नहीं आएंगे तो आप गाड़ी चलाते जाओगे जब तक एक दिन आपकी गाड़ी बंद नहीं पड़ जाती। तो पहले गाड़ी चलाने की थ्योरी सीखो

This one’s deep if you think of the car as your body, or deeper still, your soul or your relationships or your talents – “Ignore the signs and you are in for trouble……and there are always signs”!

Get your basics right. Follow your instinct. Observe the signs and remedy them in time! If something needs oiling (like your hobbies and passions, perhaps), get down to it before the edges go completely rough!

Not from the driving coach but a related quote I read earlier this week which pretty much says the same thing in a hard-hitting way is this :

Don’t leave your coffee for too long and then be surprised why it’s cold. I am not talking about coffee.

He was a wise one, my driving coach! And I look back fondly on those 10 driving sessions in which he not only made me a confident driver but also unknowingly imparted multi-dimensional wisdom that I will carry with me forever and pass on whenever I can!

Also if you think about it – isn’t driving such an amazing metaphor for life?

• You’re on a road to somewhere.
• Sometimes you know the destination and sometimes you don’t.
• Sometimes you know the way and sometimes you don’t.
• Sometimes you know when you’ll get there and sometimes you don’t even know whether you will.
• When you are in the slow lane you want to be in the fast and when you are in the fast one, you want to be in the slow!
• Sometimes, you wonder why you are taking the road when others are taking the train or a flight!
• Sometimes you look out of the window and compare your car to a swanky one alongside.
• Sometimes you complain about the traffic.
• And sometimes, you’re just glad you have your own car!
• However small, however basic – it gets the job done!

Did any of these resonate with you? Have you come across, read or heard any random line that became a life mantra for you in an unexpected way? Do share in the comments – I would love to hear from you!

Some more bite-sized (or not!!) gyaan

I recently watched a show on Disney Hotstar called ‘Gulmohar’. It was an intense family drama revolving around a family grappling with dark secrets, bruised egos, conflicting emotions and tough decisions. Without getting into the details of the plot, I’ll come straight to the one statement in the show that stuck with me.

It was a conversation between two men about the love of a father for his son, in which one man tells the other –

तुम दे सकते हो, क्योंकि तुम्हे मिला

_{“Tum de sakte ho, kyuki tumhe mila” (rough translation: “you are able to give, because you received”)}

When I first heard this, I immediately disagreed with it! But when I thought some more, I had mixed feelings!

When it comes to love, I have always felt that you can give freely of it even if you didn’t receive any at all or didn’t receive it in the same way that you associate with love. Also, while a person may feel like they’re giving or showing love, the receiver may not always receive it with the same intensity or appreciate the expression in the way it is intended. If you’ve read Gary’s Chapman’s theory on the 5 love languages, I’m sure you will relate to this (I will do a separate post on this at some point)!

But the statement on the show applied not just to love but also to opportunities. Which brings me back to a topic I’ve written about before – Privilege. In this context, it becomes much easier to understand the pangs of helplessness behind the statement because the opportunities that everyone covets are substantially more accessible to only a few.

And yet, our capability or willingness to give (in any context), is in one way or another driven by our frame of reference which is not just what we got but also how it made us feel. What we got as children may also be something we expressly don’t want to give our kids!

As parents, we always strive to give our children a better life than we had – it’s what every parent aspires for. And the more we got as children, the more we are willing to give to ours – whether it’s love, freedom, opportunities or even wealth.

Except if you got none – because besides wealth which is tangible and therefore depends more on capability than willingness, for everything else, willingness is good start!

And in fact, the lack of something only makes you want it more. As one of the more interesting side-theories of Chapman’s theory on ‘love languages’ says – your love language is likely whatever you didn’t get as a child – which is the exact opposite of what the line in the show says! In fact, even with wealth in general, the greatest philanthropists are people who gave because they didn’t get and knew what that felt like!

So yes, perhaps when it comes to generational wealth or access to opportunities, what you got as a child determines what you can give as a parent.

But with anything else and in any other relationship, I don’t believe this holds true – because you can give even without receiving, give much more than you receive and, in some cases, give less (or none) even if you did receive it as a child! How much you can give in a meaningful relationship is defined not just by what you got but by who your life experiences have made you as a person and how far you are willing to go!

What do you think?!

Sabko apna apna milta hai!

This post on ‘Meaning in the Mundane’ would be incomplete without this priceless gem from Dhruv Jalota who, in a moment of clarity on an otherwise tipsy evening, nonchalantly exclaimed –

सबको अपना अपना मिलता है

_{“Sabko apna apna milta hai” (rough translation: ‘Everyone gets their share’ or ‘To each, their own’)}

Ever since these words were uttered, they became the unofficial slogan that we would repeat every time the group met! Because they seemed to fit almost every situation!

• You spilled your drink! “Sabko apna apna milta hai!”
• You didn’t like the food! “Sabko apna apna milta hai!”
• You have something to celebrate? “Sabko apna apna milta hai!”
• You got problems? “Sabko apna apna milta hai!”
• You wanted a promotion but didn’t get a raise? “Sabko apna apna milta hai!”
• You won a lottery? Guess what?! “Sabko apna apna milta hai!”

A line that if uttered everyday can almost be a mantra for gratitude and complete surrender – something on the lines of “अपना टाइम आएगा” (Apna time aayega–rough translation: ‘my time will come’), only older and original!!

What’s something that you randomly heard somewhere and stuck with you? Let me know in the comments!!

Posting after a while (this one’s been in the works for some time now!!) and don’t know when the next one will be but hope you enjoyed this. Until next time…..Tally-ho!!